The steps to take

Once you’ve decided how to handle that part of the exercise, do the following: 

1. 1. Write down the bad stuff from your past, i.e. situations that bring you shame when you think of them.

2. 2. Write down:

1. a. What you learned.

2. b. How you will avoid doing the same thing again.

3. c. Any forgiveness you need to seek/apologies or retribution you need to make.

4. d. What you will need to do to forgive yourself.

3. 3. Preserve 2a and 2b and reference it as often as needed.

4. 4. Decide what steps to take to make right 2c. Do those things. 

5. 5. Decide how to give yourself grace for 2d. Really commit to doing these things as many times and as often as needed.

Notice how this list looks a bit like the 12-step program, specifically the steps 4 to 9. By working through these steps and revisiting your reflections, you can move forward with more confidence and peace, leaving shame behind. And by reflecting on what you've learned, you can approach work and life with renewed focus and purpose. Now you can finally get back to work and focus on building trust with others instead of being inhibited by your own issues.

When I first created my shame journal, I referred to it as a “failure resume” and others referred to similar activities as “resilience resumes.” Regardless of what you call it, authentically facing your greatest moments of shame and difficulty can make you more fearless and more able to own the narratives that once owned you. By revisiting this shame journal every year, you will be able to find how much your residual feelings of worry, regret, sadness, shame, and fear can dissipate. Good luck as you take on the responsibility of truly owning your complete life, and please reach out to me to let me know how it goes!